1st.

Being yourself can be as courageous act as any adrenaline "rising" activity..not because of pure possibility of real danger but by daring to loose your "mask:"...which we all wear more or less so...:) Seeing yourself without "history of your own life memories" will take a bit of practice to get use to...but I believe it will simplify a lot choices and views ...no prerequisite to act or feel or be certain way could be very liberating..I wonder if there is any "school of thought " in philosophy which embraces such an attitude toward ones life...pretty sure there is one or two..or more...:))  could research it..:)) That brings me to the thought on "letting go" or "giving up " certain things,habits..people in your life...basically you are ready to do so...when you are ready...not before..which may become "fighting event" with your ..ego..?..but once your inner self is ready there is not so much battle...you just let it happen...promised myself not to smoke anymore ...not such a big sacrificing for me ..because I was only sort of social smoker...but enjoyed my cigarettes once in the while...but all of sudden I heard myself saying no more...no reason...I will never smoke again...and I believe I wont...as if that's what I need to do now...this small little step ...of getting rid of something from my life which is not really needed or useful anymore...I just had to agree with that...but it was  my decision already .. not to smoke...not restriction but agreement...Yes, more of conversation you are having with yourself ...or the friend deep inside of you who knows what you need right  now...as I said ..nothing heroic..just letting change to take place...which already happened ...as of reversing the order...change take place deep inside ..and you just have to let it work through you...Maybe that's the key to all changes in your life ..we cant really force it or we end up having a lot of " battles" on different "subjects"..we can grow into the change ..and question is can we "grow" into direction that we choose or is it just beyond our "control"...I remember long time ago ..years ..maybe 20..I was trying consciously change the way I behaved in certain situations...and it was totally planned decision on my part..wasn't easy..but every time I reacted to the similar situation in alternative way..it was getting easier as if I was training my nervous system to develop new series of responses...not my " natural" one ...and the one that  "felt " "good".Satisfaction from gaining control over my reaction to emotions was helping me to change....and as I later thought .." natural" reaction ..maybe were not so natural but learned...Felt proud of myself to overcome few issues in my life...:)) Years later when I was reading article in medical journal about brain,neurons...habits..and theory how it is formed and if we can change it I knew immediately , that's what happen to me..I started using "the new path"..in the sense of word..new neurological path..connection...the more I used alternative reaction ..the more I traveled "the road less travelled"..but soon this road was used more and more so..the old path was beginning to be not so strong...and new one became my first choice of responses...so...we can deliberately change ourselves...its possible...but I think its so much easier when the "path" the "new road" already exist..even if its only in our thoughts....not in action yet...maybe just thinking about new reaction, new ,way of behavior changes it enough to build this new neurological connection"..without actually doing it in reality...sort of virtual way...maybe our brain doesn't distinguish between reality ..and "virtual reality"...like it happens in some other instances...ex when I have a dance routine and cant or don't want to practice in reality...I notice that just by visualizing it makes it better ...just dancing "in your mind"...So Reality.....what is it then....:))) wow I cornered myself...never finish my first day blog :))) one can hope to find the answer one day or ..."the answer will find you :))) goodnight and goodbye for today...:)))