When we repeat  the similar behavior in similar situations, but with different people ..there is no doubt ..there is the pattern...something in us makes us react that way ,  feel similar..even if that's the last thing on earth we want to express. We can remove our self from "that picture"or try to understand the logic behind " non logical " response. Today's "journey " is showing to be more difficult then I expected...maybe its not always "sunny" in my part of the world...First thing is  ..to identify emotions...then , try to find logical explanation ...realize that it is not logical but never less very real ...and again put the solution and the  answer not to the outside  of yourself ..but within you...The world around you is not responsible for that ..its just the way it is , you are the one who needs to "adjust "  your reactions , perception , understanding ... and at the end your emotions. That's the most successful way to stop playing the same unpleasant role ..time for different play..:)) When we don't feel like victims of our emotions ...but powerful enough to understand them ...we can change ...and move on...I remember the feeling of shame and guilt ( sort of strange combination) when I was just a child and my father would take me skiing ( which I loved) ...but instead of spending time with me ..he would bring his current girlfriend. Everytime, we accidentally met any  friends of my mom , I felt this panic and a  big knot in my stomach...knowing I had to lie for my father( not letting my mom know, he brought "friend"with him) and felt so humiliated by that , and maybe by the fact, that I wasn't good enough to be his only company...I suppose the  combination of being dishonest and feeling not that important in his life was "poisonous" to my self esteem..I was shy, those days and  even now ,occasionally I still am..though my friends laugh at that  statement and don't agree :)) The feelings of rejection and of not  exclusiveness to my father's heart sink deeply within me...Didn't resurrect that, in the very long time..because didn't think I had to...but familiar knot in the stomach reminded me of something known to me and almost forgotten..Yes, I  felt it before ..quite few times, ...but "blamed" my feelings , situation and the person who " put me in it" more , then something from the past.Obviously there are some  scars , which still keep on hurting ...even if only lurking from my unconscious reactions..Healing can only happen through understanding and  consciously letting them go...I am ready for this one to leave ...I am good enough just the way I am...always been and will be...:)) Just had to hear me, say it out loud..words have power and I am intending on using it...We need to nourish our soul ,, bring it to the place of "innocence"..before we learned all wrong lessons ..and kept reciting them over and over... so here it is.. pattern ,...source of it , ...mission to understand it  and destroy...maybe , replace it with something else ...peace and release ...sounds like a good plan to me..:)) I really want it to work ,  no need to believe in something which was never true..just make believe..I took it for granted and felt  for  long time . Giving yourself permission to be free of that and of anything else diminishing us...,."giving a love a chance" to fill in the space and begin to work its magic hope for the best ....:)))