3 day

I am getting used to the idea of writing everyday...and have to say, beginning to like it more and more..:)) Feel as my thoughts and emotions are being poured out of me, making space for new one...no overcrowding anymore...goes perfectly  hand in hand with my approach to life this year  ...It starts fresh   ...every day..no regrets or second thoughts, doubts, hurt feelings...who needs this baggage...Our "grandmas" were smart .."make a peace every night ..before going to bed , tomorrow is a new day and its the best to start it fresh"..:)) Talked to a friend ( posted comment and vice verse...literally exchange some points of view) on Facebook..very lovely and talented lady...We "talked" about " shadow personality " as in Jung...and why some things in other people are especially annoying to us ..etc.fact that you can learn a lot about yourself just by noticing what you hate in others..:)) Idea of shadow personality as the certain  character traits we perceived as undesirable in us always was very interesting to me....wonder why...:)) just joking...Yes of course I noticed some "aspects" of me, which I didn't like in general and didn't bring to life through my actions, but I was aware of their   presence...hidden and  buried in "almost" my subconscious...but not quite that deep...:) Asking myself a question ...could it be me ?? so vein..and silly and like "lower self"...When I was younger I thought it will take me longer to get rid of them ...those stupid character "flaws" ...to become ..better person...until one day I realized ..Its a lie ...what I am presenting to  the world is completely fake...its collection of certain characteristics approved by my own censorship and ready for "sale"...but deep down there in dark corridors of "me"the "controversial" one are hiding, to afraid to have a voice...but never less still existing...:))I think I became quite opinionated and critical of other people's behaviour...especially the one who reminded me of my dark "force"...If I can fight it ..and know its wrong..why others cant..? no mercy...:)))Sure I can make fun of me today and laugh at pretty "rigid" picture of mine from the past...no I was never openly mean ...but pretty "squeaky clean" in ideas about dos and don ts...:)))Don't miss that period...too much "fighting"..not literally...just plainly growing old and stiff and closed by each moment...So the story goes like that...decided to get to know my "shadow personalities" aka as certain characteristics...well..lets try one I had a lots of trouble accepting...because my life and the way I lived was on opposite "planet" from that...I defined myself as absolutely opposite of that....Narcissistic...part...did everything in my life not to become one , preoccupied with looks , ego-driving force, attention seeker...but it was there as vein as it can be ...so we became "friends"..I let "it" come and "play" sometime and I find it not threatening anymore or scary...just a "child" who likes to have some fun...Makes me even laugh with silliness and shallowness...but has no "power" to become "me" its one of the "outfits" I am wearing sometime...not hurting anyone...I found perfect outlet for it...ballroom dancing...not that dancing is silly and not serious ..just opposite its one of the most powerful expression of who you are..dance..I always loved it...but ballroom with dresses and glitz and attention on you..., make-ups ..that ego concentrating activity..is perfect for this part of me...who likes it...No ..that's not what makes me dance ..something else does ..different part in me...if anything, my spiritual ...the one that connects to the world and is happy with just feelings and being in the moment ,perfectly in peace with who I am.....but my little "shadow narcissistic "animal" is happy ...so wont be turning into scary "monster" and be so judgmental about other peoples lives ,which  are sometime  pure "entertainment" , drama and one big party..Its their choice and who am I to judge it...? and raise my eyebrows in disapproval...We all are different ..at different times...So ..don't" starve" your "shadow monsters"..they are not that scary if you understand them...and if you let them coexist...they wont mind  that ,they "don't play first role" in your life....You will be given in return so many benefits...learning to be tolerant , understanding , compassionate...wont feel you  have to "fight" any internal battles...be more in peace...its quite nice ...you breath better , sleep better ,laugh louder..especially at yourself, know there is the endless possibility of becoming  who you are...just by agreeing to accept who you are know and not "holding any prisoners"...Goodnight to the world and ...see you tomorrow..:)))